Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
