"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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