No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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