just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
