matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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