East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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