I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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