You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
