when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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