Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
