I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
