i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
