Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
