She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just want nice things and good sex
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
