so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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