Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
