is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
