My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
