Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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