Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
