I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
