OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
