her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
