You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
