My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
