just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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