The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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