i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't turn off my feet"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
