Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
only you would photoshop your dick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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