I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
only you would photoshop your dick
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
