Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
