Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
