But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
