Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
