I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
