I can feel you judging me through the phone.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
