sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
