I heard we made out
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
