I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
where does the pee come out of this thing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My penis needs a shock collar
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
