im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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