Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
