Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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