Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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