I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
