this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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