Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
