My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
