It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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