meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
