Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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